Songcraft.

I'm back from vacation, but still fighting a nasty cold. While I'm plowing through the piles of crap waiting for me on my desk, enjoy this...

I'm not really one for memes, but I got this one from Mary Ann's LiveJournal that I couldn't resist. Play along, it's fun!

VH1's 100 Greatest One Hit Wonders
Bold songs you liked/loved
Strike the songs you don't like/hated
Italicize the songs you've heard of but neither liked or disliked
Leave the ones you haven't heard of alone

100. Kung Fu Fighting - Carl Douglas
99. No Rain - Blind Melon
98. Two Of Hearts - Stacey Q
97. Whoomp! (There It Is) - Tag Team
96. I Want Candy - Bow Wow Wow
95. Harper Valley PTA - Jeannie C. Riley
94. What's Up - 4 Non Blondes
93. Don't Give Up On Us - David Soul
92. Heart and Soul - T'Pau
91. Electric Avenue - Eddy Grant
90. Don't Wanna Fall In Love - Jane Child
89. Achy Breaky Heart - Billy Ray Cyrus
88. Barbie Girl - Aqua
87. Don't Leave Me This Way - Thelma Houston
86. Bust a Move - Young M.C.
85. Spirit In the Sky - Norman Greenbaum
84. You Gotta Be - Des'ree
83. The Safety Dance - Men Without Hats
82. I Know What Boys Like - The Waitresses
81. Just a Friend - Biz Markie
80. Cum On Feel the Noize - Quiet Riot
79. Puttin' On the Ritz - Taco
78. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm - Crash Test Dummies
77. What I Am - Edie Brickell
76. We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off - Jermaine Stewart
75. I've Never Been To Me - Charlene
74. Rebirth Of Slick (Cool Like Dat) - Digable Planets
73. Convoy - C.W. McCall
72. Maniac - Michael Sembello
71. How Bizarre - OMC
70. The Night the Lights Went Out In Georgia - Vicki Lawrence
69. Funkytown - Lipps Inc.
68. A Girl Like You - Edwyn Collins
67. Epic - Faith No More
66. Mambo #5 - Lou Bega
65. In My House - The Mary Jane Girls
64. You Get What You Give - New Radicals
63. Jump Around - House Of Pain
62. The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades - Timbuk 3
61. Round and Round - Ratt
60. More, More, More - Andrea True Connection
59. 867-5309 (Jenny) - Tommy Tutone
58. What Is Love - Haddaway
57. Smokin' In the Boy's Room - Brownsville Station
56. Lovin' You - Minnie Riperton
55. It's Raining Men - The Weather Girls
54. Makin' It - David Naughton
53. Somebody's Watching Me - Rockwell
52. Genius Of Love - Tom Tom Club
51. I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers
50. I Touch Myself - The Divinyls
49. Turn the Beat Around - Vicki Sue Robinson
48. True - Spandau Ballet
47. Rock and Roll (Part 2) - Gary Glitter
46. Don't Worry, Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin
45. Lovefool - The Cardigans
44. Rock Me Amadeus - Falco
43. How Do You Talk To an Angel - The Heights
42. Hot Child In the City - Nick Gilder
41. Relax - Frankie Goes to Hollywood
40. In a Big Country - Big Country
39. Bitter Sweet Symphony - The Verve
38. Me and Mrs. Jones - Billy Paul
37. I Melt With You - Modern English
36. Turning Japanese - The Vapors
35. Bitch - Meredith Brooks
34. Afternoon Delight - Starland Vocal Band
33. Got To Be Real - Cheryl Lynn
32. Hot Hot Hot - Buster Poindexter
31. Unbelieveable - EMF
30. Seasons In the Sun - Terry Jacks
29. Pass the Dutchie - Musical Youth
28. It Takes Two - Rob Base & DJ E-Z Rock
27. Pop Musik - M
26. Stumblin' In - Suzi Quatro
25. Too Shy - Kajagoogoo
24. Whip It - Devo
23. All My Life (K-Ci & Jojo) - Sybersound
22. Play That Funky Music - Wild Cherry
21. Cars - Gary Numan
20. She Blinded Me With Science - Thomas Dolby
19. In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida - Iron Butterfly
18. Nothing Compares 2 U - Sinead O'Connor
17. We're Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister
16. Rapper's Delight - The Sugarhill Gang
15. 96 Tears - ? & the Mysterians
14. Groove Is In the Heart - Deee-Lite
13. The Hustle - Van McCoy
12. Baby Got Back - Sir Mix-a-Lot
11. You Light Up My Life - Debby Boone
10. 99 Luftballons - Nena
9. Rico Suave - Gerardo
8. Take On Me - a-ha
7. Ice Ice Baby - Vanilla Ice
6. Who Let The Dogs Out - Baha Men
5. Mickey - Toni Basil
4. I'm Too Sexy - Right Said Fred
3. Come On Eileen - Dexys Midnight Runners
2. Tainted Love - Soft Cell
1. Macarena - Los Del Rio

Now, that's all well and good, but the true test of your musical tastes is how you weigh in on their list of the 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs Ever. So, here it is, with slightly modified instructions...

VH1 & Blender Magazine's 50 Most Awesomely Bad Songs Ever
Bold songs you liked/loved because they're legitimately good songs that don't belong on a list like this
Bold and italicize songs you liked/loved because they're just so damn cheesy and cheesy is good
Strike the songs you don't like/hated
Italicize the songs you've heard of but neither liked or disliked
Leave the ones you haven't heard of alone

50. Corey Hart - 'I Wear My Sunglasses at Night'
49. Puff Daddy f/ Faith Evans & 112 - 'I'll Be Missing You'
48. Michael Bolton - 'Can I Touch You There'
47. Bobby Brown w/Whitney Houston - 'Something in Common'
46. Spin Doctors - 'Two Princes'
45. Ruben Studdard - 'I'm Sorry'
44. Billy Joel - 'We Didn't Start The Fire'
43. Master P feat. Silkk, Fiend, Mia-x & Mystikal - 'Make Em Say Uhh'
42. Rednex - 'Cotton Eye Joe'
41. JC Chasez - 'Some Girls (Dance with Women)'
40. 4 Non Blondes - 'What's Up'
39. Snow - 'Informer'
38. Ja Rule - 'Mesmerize'
37. Bette Midler - 'From a Distance'
36. Color Me Badd - 'I Wanna Sex You Up'
35. Don Johnson - 'Heartbeat'
34. Crazytown - 'Butterfly'
33. Jennifer Lopez - 'Jenny from the Block'
32. Mr. Mister - 'Broken Wings'
31. R. Kelly - 'You Remind Me of Something'
30. Nelly - 'Pimp Juice'
29. Meatloaf - 'I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)'
28. Rick Astley - 'Never Gonna Give You Up'
27. Wreckx-N-Effect - 'Rump Shaker'
26. Bryan Adams - 'The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me is You'
25. Michael Jackson - 'You Rock My World'
24. Phil Collins - 'Sussudio'
23. Sisqo - 'The Thong Song'
22. Lionel Richie - 'Dancing on the Ceiling'
21. Rembrandts - 'I'll Be There For You'
20. Toby Keith - 'Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue'
19. Chicago - 'You're the Inspiration'
18. Hammer - 'Pumps and a Bump'
17. Right Said Fred - 'I'm Too Sexy'
16. Europe - 'The Final Countdown'
15. Crash Test Dummies - 'Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm'
14. Will Smith - 'Will2K'
13. Aqua - 'Barbie Girl'
12. New Kids on the Block - 'Hangin' Tough'
11. Gerardo - 'Rico Suave'
10. Huey Lewis & the News - 'Heart of Rock-n-Roll'
9. Bobby McFerrin - 'Don't Worry, Be Happy'
8. Ricky Martin - 'She Bangs'
7. Eddie Murphy - 'Party All the Time'
6. Deep Blue Something - 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'
5. Vanilla Ice - 'Ice Ice Baby'
4. Limp Bizkit - 'Rollin''
3. Wang Chung - 'Everybody Have Fun Tonight'
2. Billy Ray Cyrus - 'Achy Breaky Heart'
1. Starship - 'We Built This City'

There ya go. Feel free to debate, or even copy this for your own blog....

Vacation Update.

I'm still on vacation, which is part of ther reason I haven't been posting here. The other reason is that I've been sick this week (after Mary Ann was sick all last week). Some vacation, eh?

I've got plenty of things to post about, though, so stay tuned....

The Return of the Mack?

Okay, I'm back. The Blogger portal finally decided to give up its battle against me and allow me to log in from home. What's more, I was even able to wrestle with the HTML a bit to keep Blogger's new mandatory navbar from plunking itself down right on top of my page design. As you can probably see, it's not exactly perfect, but that's okay -- my stuff looks fine; it's just their navbar that looks funny now. Oh well, their loss.

So, anyway, I'm back to posting again. Just don't go expecting me to post everyday yet -- I'm still on vacation, after all...

On Hiatus... Maybe?

In less than an hour, I get to leave the office and start a nearly-two week vacation that I am definitely looking forward to.

I intend to keep posting here during the vacation (it's not like we can actually afford to go anywhere, so we'll have plenty of time to hang around the house). The only problem is that right now I can't log into Blogger from home. The site has some sort of auto-login set for Mary Ann's account and can't get it to log out for the life of me. So, unless I can finally figure out what's up, I probably won't be able to post until I get back to my work computer on Aug. 30.

So, keep checking back. But if I don't see y'all until then, have a nice... well, whatever it is you're having!

The Games Begin.

So, we watched the Olympic opening ceremonies over the weekend. The parade of Greek history was pretty well done and fun to watch. The parade of nations was practically endless, as usual, but I always like to see the delegations from the smallest nations. They always seem to be having the most fun and, when you get right down to it, are what the Olympic spirit is all about anyway -- the little guys getting a moment in the sun to compete on an equal basis with the big boys.

But the commentary, on the other hand, was the worst. I generally like Bob Costas, and he wasn't too terribly bad considering the thankless job he was given. Katie Kouric, on the other hand, managed to sound more inane everytime she opened her mouth. It's hard to single out any line of hers as the worst of the night, but I'm partial to "The nights here in Greece are colder than the daytime."

Ya think?

Anyway, there were a couple of heartening things I noticed in the parade of nations. First off, the North Korean and South Korean delegations opted to march into the stadium together. It's great to see a little more detente in this fractured world, especially involving North Korea. There's even talk of them fielding a unified team next time around. (Let's just hope they don't make golf an official sport by then, or Kim Jong Il himself will be forced to compete.)

Secondly, it was also refreshing to see several predominantly Muslim nations, including Egypt, Afghanistan and others, allowing women in their delegations for the first time.

Now, I've just got to find time to watch some more of the Games in the coming weeks. Except for softball, I tend to be interested in the lesser-known sports and the non-American competitors. Good thing NBC is drawing all their cable networks for coverage, because it looks like there's plenty of room for the stuff I like on CNBC, Bravo and MSNBC, since I know the main network won't be featuring any of it...

My iTunes.

For various reasons, I can't have the hottest lifestyle accessory going right now, the iPod. Those of you who know how much I love music will also know how jealous this makes me, but at least I have the next best thing to get me by -- the iTunes on my work computer. (At least when I can listen to it without annoying my officemates or getting called away from my desk constantly.) Here are my current heavy rotation songs...

"Crazy Train," Ozzy Osbourne
For my money, probably the Ozz-man's finest moment. Play it loud, baby. And you know who would do a kick-ass cover of this song? Jack Black. He was born to sing those lyrics.

"Gamen (Vulture)," Garmarna
They may be virtually unknown here in the U.S., but these Norwegians make some pretty rockin' updates of traditional Scandanavian folk tunes (and various other really old songs). This is from their album "Vengeance." Again, play it loud.

"Sister Christian," Night Ranger
Remember that creepy drug dealer guy at the end of "Boogie Nights"? Well, I feel just like that everytime I hear this song. Call me a fool, because I know Night Ranger sucks, and every thinking person knows that Night Ranger sucks, but I can't help loving this song.

"One More Cup of Coffee," Sertab
I don't really know anything about Sertab other than that she's from Turkey and once won the Eurovision song contest. But her version of the Bob Dylan song, from the soundtrack to "Masked & Anonymous," is wonderfully majestic and cinematic. Perfect background music to the movies of your mind. I must find more stuff by her.

"California Dreamin'," DJ Sammy
Another cover of the ubiquitous (almost over-ubiquitous) classic. But this dance floor track is just so sunny and happy, I can't resist cranking it up. Outside of the dance club, it's also perfect for riding along the coastline with the top down in true California fashion.

There are others, but I'll save those for another time...

Great Baseball Names.

You can't be a big leaguer without the right name and, unlike the euphonious Willie Mays Hayes, these are all 100% real...

Willy Mo Peña
Oil Can Boyd
Smokey Joe Wood
Rusty Kuntz
Cool Papa Bell
Minnie Minoso
Bobo Newsom
Rube Waddell
Shoeless Joe Jackson
Three-Finger Brown
Mudcat Grant

Come to think of it, those would make pretty good pimp names, too...

Critter Follies.

Remember the Animalympics? Well, they're back!

There's a new special airing on the Discovery Channel called "Animal Games" that gives an "educational" spin on the same concept -- animals coming from around the globe to compete against each other in human Olympic events. However, instead of the mere entertainment of watching anthropomorphized Hanna-Barbera creations competing, we're treated to something much more bizarre, if no less entertaining. Not only are the "Animal Games" competitors faithful CGI versions of the species found in nature, but they've also been scaled to "human size."

A six-foot tall cockroach racing a cheetah? Talk about creepy. And a great white shark doing weightlifting and a mudskipper in the long jump? Talk about surreal. NFL commentators James Brown and Cris Collinsworth doing play-by-play? Talk about pathetic.

So, of course, I love it. Check it out.

Are We Litigious... Or Just Stupid?

The height of absurdity, it seems to me, is seeing all these ridiculous disclaimers on television commercials. It wouldn't be so bad if they were disclaimers that made any sense, or that were actually useful to consumers (like, "WARNING: CIRCUIT CITY OVERPRICES ITS INVENTORY" or, "WARNING: SCOTT TOILET TISSUE FEELS LIKE SANDPAPER.")

No, we have to have our intelligence insulted instead. The latest example is the new Burger King campaign which features the cartoonish "Dr. Angus" and his "Angus Diet." As if it wasn't painfully obvious that this is a parody of stupid diet trends, we have to be treated to the disclaimer, "THE ANGUS DIET IS NOT AN ACTUAL DIET" and "DR. ANGUS IS NOT A REAL DOCTOR." Sheesh. (And, just in case you missed the info from the Bud Light commercials, the Bud Light Institute doesn't really exist, either.)

Of course, some disclaimers could be useful to morons, like the "DO NOT ATTEMPT" warning that accompanies the new Dairy Queen brownie blizzard ad. That's the one that features a guy sticking his tongue into a moving electric beater and screaming in pain for what seems like an eternity, all topped off by a shot of his tongue mangled and wrapped up in the beaters. Has "Jackass" really ruined our culture so much that we now need to be reminded NOT to do this? I guess it has.

The most ubiquitous disclaimers, though, are the "PROFESSIONAL DRIVER ON CLOSED COURSE" warnings in every car commercial. Do we need to be warned about that even while watching someone drive the car at slow speed down an empty street. Apparently so. But it's really overkill to see that warning in that Scion commercial which features the box-on-wheels being driven through a heavily-animated landspace of futuristic skyscrapers, aliens and space ships. I'm glad they told me not to attempt that, or else I'd be out in my junky 1990 Ford Escort right now looking for come CGI to drive through.

Thank you, Scion!

Testing, Testing....

While we're all waiting for me to get this blog up and running -- here, enjoy this picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head...