Tuesday, April 22, 2008

The "Holmes on Homes" Drinking Game.

Can I just tell you how much I love watching "Holmes on Homes"? For those of you not in the know, the show is a Canadian production that features general contractor Mike Holmes fixing the messes left behind by bad contractors and showing how to, in his catchphrase, "make it right." It airs in the U.S. on the Discovery Home Channel. You can hop on over to Wikipedia to get the full story. (I've posted some clips over at my other blog to give you a taste.)

It's hard to say why I love the show so much, since Mike doesn't necessarily have the type of personality you'd expect to carry a show like this. But it's fun for me in a way that goes beyond my usual fascination with home repair -- especially in the later seasons, which feature more of Mike's supporting cast of workers and subcontractors.

So, in the best internet tradition, I'd like to celebrate my love for the show by writing a drinking game. (I have to insert the usual disclaimer here: Don't be doing this with alcohol if you're under the legal drinking age. And stay out of the pokey, kids!)

The "Holmes on Homes" Drinking Game (v.1.0)

Take one drink every time:
• Mike says any of the following words or phrases: "minimum code," "unacceptable," "weeping tile," "keep smiling," "vapor barrier," "gut it," "it's all coming down"
• Anybody besides Mike says "make it right."
• Anybody says "eh," "aboot," or anything else blatantly Canadian.
• Mike punches a hole in the drywall with his bare hands
• Mold is found in the house
• The homeowners didn't know they needed a permit
• The homeowners give Mike a gift. (Take another drink if it wasn't made by their kids.)
• The female homeowner gives Mike a hug. (Finish your drink if the male homeowner does this.)
• Mike gives Pinky a private tutorial in how to do something.
• Frank the electrician gets genuinely angry over the bad wiring he finds. (Feel free to take extra drinks for longer rants.)
• Mike explains why wood shouldn't touch concrete.
• Mike or one of the build crew says they want to stay and live in the house.
• Mike holds a baby or small child.
• Mike installs a whole-house surge protector.

Take two drinks every time:
• Mike feels his manhood threatened by using one of Pinky's tools.
• It's somebody's first day on the crew.
• The family pet wanders into the work area.
• The case is so bad that law enforcement has to get involved.
• Mike takes a field trip away from the job site.
• Somebody busts Mike Jr.'s chops.
• Somebody other than Craig (or his employees) is shown painting.
• There is a celebrity guest star, or clips from another television show.

Take a sip every time:
• The episode title contains a bad pun.
• Shawn tries to be a comedian. (Finish your drink if he's actually funny.)
• Mike finds a live wire that shouldn't be live. (Finish your drink if this results in a shower of sparks.)

Finish your drink if:
• Pinky isn't wearing something pink.
• Mike tries to sing.

The Lightning Round (Warning: This is only recommended for serious alcoholics, or those wishing to die of severe alcohol poisoning.):
• Take a drink for each hidden junction box that's uncovered.

(This drinking game is, of course, a work in progress. If you have any other suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments.)

15 comments:

heytoppy@hotmail.com said...

hahaha! this is pretty fucking funny! I'll need to buy the seasons on dvd then invite friends over! The hidden junction boxes made me laugh out loud and having just finished watching an episode I think I remember him finding about a dozen hidden ones....DRUNK!

Anonymous said...

BWWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! That is SOLID GOLD!

Anonymous said...

Take a drink any time Mike asks a question and then answers it (always several at the end of each show) - ex.
"Was the job done right? No, but we came in..."

Anonymous said...

Take a drink when Mike shakes a pipe and says "and people wonder why their pipes make noise."

Owen said...

Good stuff!!

Anonymous said...

Right off the first one...
I have even heard this all in one sentence....
"The Vapor Barrier is over the weeping tile, this is unaceptable and it isnt minimum code, gut it, keep smiling it's all comming down, so we can make it right."

All in one saying, that was in a couple of episodes... very few, like maybe 1-3eps.. but still that is one, that is just as bad as the junction boxes.
(which that one I would have been toast with that basement one with iirc 17 HIDDEN boxes spliced and wires between drywall and structure)

Anonymous said...

Yes! I love this show- my friends and I made a holmes drinking game and it is surprisingly similar to this one. We call it a "Canadian Reveal" whenever someone lets an "eh" or "aboot" slip.

Anonymous said...

You need to add, whenever Mike says, "thermal break."

Anonymous said...

you need to add whenever mike mentions "structure"...he says it all the time

su1droot said...

don't forget him talking about things being "true" or "level"

Anonymous said...

Drink once for every time Mike say "spray foam"!

Anonymous said...

"Air behind water"

Anonymous said...

Completely awesome drinking game! The guy annoys me but I kind of like him at the same time. Pinky is HOT! Amazing the s#!t work some contractors do!

Anonymous said...

Take a drink when he says cold room

Anonymous said...

Take a drink when he says level, when he should say plumb.