The "Holmes on Homes" Drinking Game.

Can I just tell you how much I love watching "Holmes on Homes"? For those of you not in the know, the show is a Canadian production that features general contractor Mike Holmes fixing the messes left behind by bad contractors and showing how to, in his catchphrase, "make it right." It airs in the U.S. on the Discovery Home Channel. You can hop on over to Wikipedia to get the full story. (I've posted some clips over at my other blog to give you a taste.)

It's hard to say why I love the show so much, since Mike doesn't necessarily have the type of personality you'd expect to carry a show like this. But it's fun for me in a way that goes beyond my usual fascination with home repair -- especially in the later seasons, which feature more of Mike's supporting cast of workers and subcontractors.

So, in the best internet tradition, I'd like to celebrate my love for the show by writing a drinking game. (I have to insert the usual disclaimer here: Don't be doing this with alcohol if you're under the legal drinking age. And stay out of the pokey, kids!)

The "Holmes on Homes" Drinking Game (v.1.0)
Take one drink every time:
• Mike says any of the following words or phrases: "minimum code," "unacceptable," "weeping tile," "keep smiling," "vapor barrier," "gut it," "it's all coming down"
• Anybody besides Mike says "make it right."
• Anybody says "eh," "aboot," or anything else blatantly Canadian.
• Mike punches a hole in the drywall with his bare hands
• Mold is found in the house
• The homeowners didn't know they needed a permit
• The homeowners give Mike a gift. (Take another drink if it wasn't made by their kids.)
• The female homeowner gives Mike a hug. (Finish your drink if the male homeowner does this.)
• Mike gives Pinky a private tutorial in how to do something.
• Frank the electrician gets genuinely angry over the bad wiring he finds. (Feel free to take extra drinks for longer rants.)
• Mike explains why wood shouldn't touch concrete.
• Mike or one of the build crew says they want to stay and live in the house.
• Mike holds a baby or small child.
• Mike installs a whole-house surge protector.

Take two drinks every time:
• Mike feels his manhood threatened by using one of Pinky's tools.
• It's somebody's first day on the crew.
• The family pet wanders into the work area.
• The case is so bad that law enforcement has to get involved.
• Mike takes a field trip away from the job site.
• Somebody busts Mike Jr.'s chops.
• Somebody other than Craig (or his employees) is shown painting.
• There is a celebrity guest star, or clips from another television show.

Take a sip every time:
• The episode title contains a bad pun.
• Shawn tries to be a comedian. (Finish your drink if he's actually funny.)
• Mike finds a live wire that shouldn't be live. (Finish your drink if this results in a shower of sparks.)

Finish your drink if:
• Pinky isn't wearing something pink.
• Mike tries to sing.

The Lightning Round (Warning: This is only recommended for serious alcoholics, or those wishing to die of severe alcohol poisoning.):
• Take a drink for each hidden junction box that's uncovered.

(This drinking game is, of course, a work in progress. If you have any other suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments.)